I lay worrying about my future, scared about what it holds and petrified of failing st it
I feel stuck in this vicious circle, stagnant, and not making progress, no change nor impact.
It makes me question my purpose at times
Why am i living in this world ?
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Changing lanes, and rounding up a 4 year degree with a vision completely different to where i began.
I thought it would be the most amazing thing in all my life.
FREEDOM at last......
No denying it felt great a first, but then it hit me like a time bomb
Feeling knocked down and left with the thoughts of nothing i do is ever going to be enough for others. Questioning my every action, and feeling that i never get things right
Feeling that i make more mistakes than the average human being
But then again i take a step back and make an assessment
I am human, and making mistakes are normal
Could this be my inner voice just trying to put me down?
Maybe?!
I feel that something needs to change and fast.
I need direction Lord Jesus
Someday's I wake up feeling like the whole world is closing on me.
Feeling like the day may not be worth it, if it means slaving day in, day out without result
Wanting to be a recluse
Still I am expectant, the optimal optimist, hoping that eventually change will come (key-in "A change is gonna come- Sam Cooke lyrics")
I am not be the picture of perfection, and still struggle with my demons everyday
Still i believe that the end of the tunnel is shinning bright.
The wonders in the works are about to jump out and shock the hella'outta me.
But even with all these. I refuse to be beat and broken by my own churlish feelings
To be defeated even before I've began. I will strive, dream and desire, until it becomes a REALITY
I will brave the storm and dark days, i will cry, dance, scream, push boundaries, revel in my thoughts and share my happiness.
And this is how i feel
Mena
xoxo
