End of week one and it was time to head to Abuja, my home away from home for the next two weeks of my stay.
Abuja was an eye-opener to many things. One main thing was taking people'sword for it... DON'T EVER TRY IT.... Be open, very open to the possibility of multiple disappointments, because Nigerians will be Nigerians, changing their minds in the twinkle of an eye( i speak from experience, don't jump me please). I surely learnt that quickly and didn't even dull on a bicycle, just carry go, move on very quickly from it. Another thing that knocked me for six was how easily you could be cheated as a IJGB in any part of Nigeria (Lagos or Abuja, i cant speak for other parts), but as a delta girl, i wouldn't condone such behaviour, due to not being a driver, i literally had to get a cab everywhere, and you could see in the eyes of the driver's that they had seen "Fresh Meat", but that smile quickly dropped from their faces at my haggling skills of cab fares with them, so much to the extent that one cabbie went as far as saying to me
Aunty why are you acting like you cant pay it? As you deck up reach. Other people will just enter like that and not argue price.....
Of course he smiled, told me to jump in and continued driving me to my destination. Cabbing in Abuja was quite an interesting event for me. Every driver was different, but a common thing they all shared was their friendliness and ability to hold a conversation, which was always interesting, it was either something about their life, their religion, their everyday struggles or their good taste in afrobeats that made me do a shuffle whist singing along to the lyrics. This made my journeys quite enjoyable. The most memorable cabbing experience was a guy called Aba. He was a tall dark man from Kaduna who had moved to Abuja for a better life, he spoke little english and asked me if would be possible to teach him as i spoke so well and in exchange he'll teach he hausa. I laughed not at him, but how he asked it like he had it all planned, when we would have classes and all of it. I entertained him and replied "No wahala". On reaching my destination now, i paid him, and in the process of exiting the cab, Aba goes Aunty don't vex but i want to ask you one question. I wasn't ready for what he was about to ask and was taken aback at his bravery.... He proceeded:
Aba: Aunty do you have an "Abuja boyfriend"?
Me: No Aba, I dont have an Abuja boyfriend.
Aba: Ok aunty, can i be your Abuja boyfriend?
Me: *wide-eyed in disbelief* No Aba i don't want a boyfriend, thanks for asking though..
Many of my first's happened on this holiday, reasons why it would be one holiday i'll never forget. Another happening that occurred was my first ever accident. Thank God i'm alive to tell the story. It was on our travels back from Shawarma King, i and a family friend, who drove ever so carefully that you could tell her license wasn't obtained in Nigeria. So here we are at an interjection trying to get to the other side, we see an oncoming car speeding right at us from the right, but we are kind of half way over to the other side, so she hurriedly tries to get to the other side of it when ... BAM!... the man rams his car into the right side of her car and puts a big hole in her tyre, we swerve a little, but thank God she had it under control she drove forward a little bit, we parked and came down to see the damage. Meanwhile in all of this, the bastard took to the hills and sped off with the bumper of his car lying in the middle of the road, and boys hailing at us whether or not they should chase him down for us. All in all, we had a flat tyre and a couple of loose bolts from the side above where her tyre was hit, but not a single scratch to her car. As fine girls in the captial (lol.. yes i admit to us being fine girls... it's only true), the boys by the roadside helped fix her spare. And off we went home, i won't lie i was shook, scared shitless, me and her both, it kinda ruined the night for us both, but it made for a good story reminiscing...
Another of my first's was an Officer Bribe. Here we are again, me and said family friend, on our way to her job, when road safety stops us to ask if we had "tinted glasses" permit because apparently her glasses were tinted, darkened a little bit they were, but tinted?! we both looked as confused as each other, as neither of us had ever heard of such a thing as temporary IJGB's. We got askedto pull over which we did. An officer came over asking for her particulars; driver's license and all the yada..yada...yada, she handed them over, then he asked for a tinted glass permit..
Huh?!
What was that?
Anyway after sitting in the car a while, making phone calls to her parents explaining the situation, another officer comes to the car asking whether we wouldn't come down and plead our case, as it looked like we weren't ready to go. So we both came down, after explaining our situation of not being permanent residents in the country to the head of the team (which i admit was a foolish move now). The officer offered to get us the permit, which we quickly declined, and pleaded that it wouldn't happen again. No eye fluttering was going to please this strong-eyed officer, he simply wasn't that kind. He the resulted to name a price in exchange for our release. First five thousand... then four thousand, simply because we were women, and the finally settling for three thousand, because that's all we claimed to have. Time to pay and i'm standing on the outside of the driver door, said family friend is in the driver seat, so i urge her to pass my bag, so i can hand him my share of the bribe. Can you imagine this officer ushered me to the passenger front seat, simply because it was wrong to see me give him a bribe publicly, he knew this yet he still collected the bribe and has the audacity to give my family friend his number, saying we should call him, if we ever ran into any problems, the irony...
Towards my last days of staying in Abuja, a lot of time spent with the best friend, and of course this included her going with me to get the goodies that was to be brought back to the UK. And so it was, that we embarked on our journey to Area1, home to the best kilishi in the capital. Straight away we head the the guy with the biggest crowd around his stand. He had the reddest ( if that's a word) looking kilishi. So whilst the bestfriend formed morale with kilishi guy in hausa, i stood there tasting the kilishi to see if it had just the right kick. My taste buds were knocked for six, the kilishi touched me deep within, breaking out in sweat and taking a big gulp of water, it was just right. In all this, conversation had turned to kilishi guy asking for my hand in marriage..(lol). Best friend turned pimp offers me freely on a plate, as long as he put enough "Kilishi brideprice" for the amount of naira i wanted, and of course i backed her up on this.. After much huslte for kilishi, we took jara for the road home. It was a successful sale with a lovely jolly kilishi man.
Finally it was time for me to go home ABJ-LOS.
Naturally, i was in extra luggage, as allowance was only 20kg, what foolishness?!. In all m fury i paid. Little did i know the people i was about to meet at checking in my bag. In my check in bag was my six bottle of " Nigerian Fanta" and in my hand luggage another six. Can you imagine, these officers saw the fanta in my check-in bag and seized it, all in the name of liquids not being allowed on the flight. Of course i knew that was a bloody lie, but i wasn't ready to argue so i let them have it. The lady officer smiling and complementing my braids as she took it all. She even asked for a picture with her.. the bravery..i couldn't even be angry. It was just too funny. The joke however was on them because i still had six of my Fanta's hidden away in the bottom of my hand luggage which was even more dangerous, Apparently!. I wasn't about to let them have it, so i prayed my way through every bag scanner through the airport and onto the plane, praying it didn't explode. And i am glad to report to you my loves that it made it to the UK.
*Victory Dance*
I can gladly say that my life hadn't seen as much action in such a short space of time as it did on this holiday. It's not my everyday life. But i'm grateful for it, as it made for a memorable time.
Mena
XOXO
